Now that the season is over, I have some bitching to do.
Over the years, I have watched relatives go from being childless to families with children. Yet, I remember that before they had children that they had absolutely no problems with receiving gifts for themselves and exchanging gifts with other adults, including the childless ones. But after they had kids, the ever-dreaded yet inevitable suggestion that everyone should only buy for the children in the family comes up. This is ever-dreaded because it only has the appearance of making things financially easier on everyone. In reality, it only makes it easier on the families with children. The only time this is ever better for everyone involved is when every branch of the family has children. Otherwise, the childless are just transferring the money they would have spent on the adults to the children, but now will receive nothing in return themselves.
I’m sure most aunties and uncles will agree with me that there is nothing they need or want that they cannot get for themselves so this post isn’t about greed or wanting gifts. On the other hand, my Ugg-wearing, iPhone carrying, professionally pedicured 8 year-old nieces and nephews really aren’t needing or wanting anything that their own parents/grandparents can’t or don’t provide, either. Now, DH and I will always still gift our nieces and nephews (until college or they are working), simply because we love them and want to be included in their lives, regardless of how thoughtless their parents may be. But I do worry about the message this is sending to the children. Are we simply fated only to be gift horses, invited to events only to shower them with gifts at least twice a year without a mere thought impressed on them of how much we love them, not even a thank you card? This is what it seems to have come to in our case. My suggestion: if there are childless in the family, then continue to include them in the gift exchange. They are still valuable members of the family. A gift certificate to a pet store so they can get something for their furry kids might be nice, or just a token gift that shows you thought of them. This will impress on the children that the childless aunts and uncles are not some sub-human species that don’t have feelings, and that they also deserve appreciation in some way.
If you have children, then trust me that there is no time worse than Christmas to feel it thrown in your face that you don’t have children, which also may make it a very painful time of year. Also, it is unfair to think that someone who has no children has more time or money than those that do. I only have the same 24 hours in every day that a mother has. I know moms of several children who are just better at juggling their time and finances than some moms of a single child. So it is how you manage it and each person has the right to do it their own way, as far as I am concerned.
Another thing that bothers me about Christmas is that people come up with rules and then don’t stick to them. If it is decided to only buy for the kids and not for siblings, then it is extremely rude to exchange gifts with one sibling in attendance at a get together while excluding another, especially when everyone knows ahead of time who is going to be there. Private gift exchanges should be done in private. Period.
In summary, Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time of year for Christians of all shapes and sizes, with or without children, everyone is allowed to celebrate and to enjoy. Who doesn’t like fun? I don’t buy into the “It’s all about the kids,” attitude because it really is supposed to be all about Jesus and God’s love for us. It’s not “Kidsmas” so don’t accuse me of taking the Christ out of Christmas. Before you do that, please take a look in the mirror and see if you aren’t putting the “Ho” in “Holiday.”
Betty
